I have been wanting to make a letter for you ever since you were born. But I did not know how to start or did not know if I can fully commit to it- like this motherhood blog which I started with you as my inspiration. So I put it off (wrong move) until now.
I have been experiencing down times lately. I felt like I am failing in this motherhood thing and I am very ashamed of it. I am ashamed of myself for being a bad and distracted mom (that’s what I think). And that’s not the way I planned it. This is not the way I want it. I want you to be proud of me; and I want you to grow maybe not perfectly but at least happily. I started off just right. I was very dedicated at first and was full of zeal until I got out of track.
I’ve been too lax. I know my faults and mistakes. I have been too busy with my personal issues which blinded me of my real and current purpose. YOU, my son. I may have shadows of my dark collective past, but I should not let these overcome the sunrays that are trying to shine now thru you. I have been too negative. I forgot to appreciate the rainbow of your smile and laugh. I am sorry my son.
I will try to change for the better and for the sake of YOU. I love you and do not want to deprive you of happiness. I know how it feels like living a lonely life and I do not want you to experience the same. Even though it’s just the two of us, I want you to be be able to live a full and happy life.
My son, tomorrow is the start of a new day for us. I promise to become a better mom. I will cherish and savor every moment. I promise to have more patience especially when you are having tantrums. I will make time to read books to you. I will shut down my computer to play with you and laugh with you. I will sing nursery rhymes to you. I will nourish you with all the love I can give. I will even get rid of all the mosquitoes in our room for you (those mosquitoes always bite you and ruin your good night’s sleep). I will buy you lots of yogurt because they’re your favorite. I will take you to places so you can explore. I will not let anyone harm you or step on you. I will be your hero. I may be weak but I will be brave for you. I will refrain from yelling and spanking. I never liked those. Instead, I will shower you with kisses and hugs. I will let you play outdoors even if you get dirty. I will let you enjoy your childhood. I will let you experience happy things. I will work harder for you. I will start potty training (which I put off because I find it daunting – please cooperate.) I will fix your schedule and prioritize you over my work. I will make sure that each day that pass is memorable and enjoyable for you. I will let you have more bath time (just dont waste too much water dear). We will have more trips to the grocery just because you love it…. I will just simply be the nicest, sweetest, kindest and most responsible mom to you.
Honey, you changed mommy’s life. Now let us build a nice one for you.
I LOVE YOU.
Hugs and kisses,